


Reach Out

by SwedishGirl



Category: Westlife
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Body Image, Boys Kissing, Couch Cuddles, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Gay Sex, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Oral Sex, Panic Attacks, Post-Break Up, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Acceptance, Sleepy Cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-23
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-11-17 12:24:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 15,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11275266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwedishGirl/pseuds/SwedishGirl
Summary: His own break-up in combination with the last tour with the band turns Mark into a wreck, both emotionally and physically. Kian decides to stay with him and help him through it. They end up falling in love.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I seem to have a thing for hurting poor Mark just so I can have someone taking care of him. I apologize for that.
> 
> This story is for my fellow Mark-fans. Enjoy!

The tour had been a challenge for Mark. He had just been through a break-up and now he had to go through a six months long break-up process with the band as well. The timing surely wasn’t perfect. Exhausted and lonely and with too much thinking going on, he was spiraling downwards. The others had begun to notice, and were getting increasingly worried about him. 

The first signs had not been that obvious. Mark always kept to himself a lot, spending a lot of time alone in his hotel room. The others figured he needed more alone time than them, and they knew he was usually singing, listening to music, watching movies or reading books. They were fine with it as long as he seemed alright.

But recently, Mark had begun to miss out on things. When they called him, or went to get him, he was always sleeping in his room. Even in the middle of the day. And he had stopped being social on the tour bus, he just went off to sleep by himself. And no matter how much he slept, he only seemed to be getting more tired and worn down.

The concerts were still going well. Being on stage seemed to push away the darkness from his mind, but as soon as he went off stage he was back into his depressed mood. He didn't participate in any of the after parties, always saying he was too tired.

"-Have you spoken to him?" Shane asked Kian as the two of them were having breakfast in the hotel restaurant.  
"-You know what he is like. I asked him if he was okay and he just told me he was a bit tired."

Shane frowned and looked concerned. Nicky joined them at the table and Shane approached him:

"-We're discussing Mark."  
“-As long as you´re not discussing me.” Nicky joked.  
"-We’re worried about him.”  
“-Yeah. We should probably talk to him. Who wants to have a go?” Nicky said with pretended cheerfulness, knowing exactly how difficult it would be to try and drag something out of Mark.

Mark joined them after a while. They looked at him intently as he slumped into the seat next to Nicky. He was paler than usual and his hair was all messy. He hadn't shaved for a few days and he looked exhausted. They were all used to his morning mood and didn't try to start any conversations. They just said "good morning" and then let him be. He barely looked at them. 

Nicky could see the worried looks Shane gave Mark. Mark looked down into his teacup, which was the only item in front of him on the table.

"-Mark, aren't you eating?" Shane said after a while.  
"-Not hungry." Mark mumbled, not looking up.  
"-Are you ill?"  
"-Just tired."

Shane and Nicky exchanged looks.

"-You know, if you wanna talk, we’re here for you." Kian said.  
“-I’m okay…” Mark said, exhaling slowly.  
“-Because if…” Shane started.  
"-Look, just..." Mark interrupted, running a hand over his face. "-Just leave me alone, okay." 

He stood up and walked away, leaving his teacup untouched on the table.

"-What..?" Shane managed, looking totally confused.  
"-I'll talk to him." Kian said, standing up and going after him.  
"-What did I say!?" Shane asked Nicky.  
"-Nothing, man. You didn't do anything wrong. He's just having a bad day." Nicky said.

When Kian knocked on Mark's door, Mark didn't answer it. The door remained locked. Kian knocked several times:

"-Mark, open the door will ya."

No answer.

Kian stood there feeling more and more frustrated. He knew Mark was in there. He took out his phone and started to type a message.

"Mark, you have agreed not to do this, remember?" 

They’d actually had a band meeting regarding this a few years back. Mark had had the habit of walking away whenever there was a conflict or a misunderstanding in the band. He didn't like confrontations and always preferred to walk away rather than stay and sort it out. The others didn't think that was helping. So he had agreed on not doing that anymore.

The door slowly opened and Kian stepped inside. Mark didn't look him in the eyes, he just went over to the bed, sitting down on the edge. Kian didn't speak, he just went and sat beside Mark, putting an arm around his shoulders. They sat like that for a long time. Not saying anything at all. Kian noticed Mark wiping away a few tears, but didn't mention it. 

"-I'm sorry." Mark finally said.

Kian didn't say anything.

"-I know you lads are just concerned. I shouldn't have marched off like that. I'll apologize to Shane and Nicky later."  
"-Don't think they need an apology, Mark. Their just worried about you, that's all."  
"-Yeah. I know. I'm just tired. Not your fault. I'm sorry." Mark said, meeting Kian’s eyes for the first time this morning. Kian could see the fatigue in his eyes.  
"-Okay."

There were a few moments of silence before Kian said:

“-Look, I can see you´re not okay. I´ll go speak to management, we´ll sort it out, we´ll paus the tour until you’re okay.”  
“-No, no…” Mark shook his head.  
“-Mark…”  
“-No Ki. Look, I´m not ill. I´m just…I don´t know. I´ll be fine.”  
“-Okay… You know you can always talk to me, right?”  
“-I know. Thanks.” Mark nodded.  
“-Okay…”

Kian patted him on the shoulder and left.


	2. Chapter 2

Kian was watching TV in his hotel room. It was way past midnight when there was suddenly a faint knock on his door. When he opened it, Mark was standing there. Soaking wet, cold and shivering. His eyes red and full of distress. He didn't say anything, and he didn't have to. Kian immediately put an arm around him and pulled him inside. Without a word, Kian led him towards the bathroom while removing his wet jacket. He gave him a towel and a clean pajama.

When Mark stepped out of the bathroom, Kian went over and wrapped him in a bear hug. Partly to share some body heat, partly to comfort him. Mark sank into the hug gratefully, exhaled slowly and closed his eyes. 

Mark didn't know what was happening to him. He had been out in the rain walking for hours, not even knowing why. He only knew he couldn’t be alone in his hotel room right now, it felt too small and he felt trapped. He felt exhausted in an almost frightening way and a sadness that he couldn't even explain to himself was eating him up. He didn't know what to say to Kian, so he didn't say anything. All he knew was that he really really needed this hug. He tightened his grip around Kian and hid his face against his neck.

Kian was startled by how cold Mark was. Mark was shivering in his embrace and Kian stroked his back gently to comfort and warm him. A thousand questions were racing through Kian’s mind. What had Mark been doing? Why had he gone out alone in that weather? For how many hours had he been out there? Why hadn't he come to Kian in the first place?

He decided against asking any of these questions. Instead, he reached for the duvet on his bed and wrapped it around Mark before embracing him again. The room was small and the bed was just nearby and after a few minutes, Kian urged him to lie down. Mark was still shivering, so Kian laid down behind him, pressing his body to Marks back to try and warm him.

"-I'm sorry..." Mark whispered.  
"-It's okay... It's okay..." Kian whispered, while keeping a comforting hand on Mark’s chest.

A few minutes later, Mark had stopped shivering and was sound asleep. Kian could feel him relax in his embrace.

Kian didn't know what to do. Mark was obviously not feeling well. Kian was unsure of how bad it was, but he knew Mark wouldn't reach out like this if it wasn't absolutely necessary. To go knock on Kian’s door in the middle of the night was a serious cry for help, Kian knew that much. He just didn't know how to help. Would it really be enough to just be there for him? Kian wasn't sure. Was Mark gonna be alright in the morning? Or was he actually depressed and needed professional help? Should Kian tell the others? Or would he lose Mark's trust if he did? Would Mark be able to sing tomorrow night?

The questions kept spinning in Kian’s head. He decided to do the only thing he could do right now - try to get some sleep himself.

The morning after, Kian tried to speak to Mark, but Mark said he didn’t have the energy right now. Kian still didn’t know if he should speak to Shane and Nicky or not. He decided to wait. There were only a few concerts left now and then they were heading back home for a few weeks break before continuing the tour. If he could just keep an eye on Mark for these last few days, he could help him find someone to talk to when they got back home.

Later that evening they had a concert again. It was a huge success, the crowd was mad and the lads were on top form. Kian even thought he saw a spark in Mark’s eyes a few times during the evening.

He went to bed that night thinking it would be okay.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning, they were supposed to do interviews for some magazines and radio stations. Mark didn't show up. When Kian called him, he acted more than weird.

"-Hey Mark, time to go."  
"-Um... Yeah... Okay..."  
"-You coming?"  
"-Yeah... I just... I don't feel so good."  
"-Are you ill?"  
"-No... I just...can't..."

Kian could hear the dejection in his voice. 

"-I'll be right there." he said, hanging up the phone and turning to Shane and Nicky:

"-He's having some kind of break down or something. I'll sort it. You go ahead and leave and we will follow."  
"-Is he alright?" Shane said, looking a bit shocked.  
"-He's just tired, I think. I'll go talk to him. He'll be fine."  
"-Are you sure you don't need any help?" Nicky asked.  
"-Yeah. I'll see you in a bit."

When Kian knocked on Mark's door, the door opened slowly. Mark barely looked up at Kian before looking down into the floor again. Kian could still see the exhausted look on his face, the pale skin, the red eyes…

"-Hey, man. You haven't slept?"  
"-No, I just...couldn't." Mark managed.  
"-Why not?"  
"-I don't know..."  
“-You haven’t been out walking again, have you.”  
“-No.”

Mark collapsed on the bed.

"-Fuck, I'm so tired... I'm just so fucking tired, Kian..." he said, leaning forward and hiding his face in his hands.

Kian came over to sit beside him and put an arm around his shoulders.

"-I know. You need to get your sleep, Mark. Why aren't you sleeping at night?"  
"-I just...keep thinking and then I think a bit more and then I'm all panicked about missing out on sleep and then I really can't go to sleep. And if I do, I keep dreaming this weird shit...” his exhale was trembling with held back emotion.  
"-Okay. I'll call Shane and tell him you're ill, okay."  
"-No. I'm not. I'm not letting you guys down just because I'm tired. We all are."

Kian looked at him. This was ridiculous. Mark was still in his robe and they should’ve already been on their way to the first radio studio. Yet he still refused to admit he wasn’t up to it.

"-Tell you what. We´ll get you dressed, we´ll walk to the car, I'll be right beside you during all the interviews and I'll tell the guys to do all the talking today. And you promise to tell me if you can´t cope, then we´ll return here right away, okay?”  
“-Okay…” Mark nodded and swallowed.  
“-And I can stay with you tonight, if you want.” Kian added.  
“-Okay…” Mark nodded. “-Thank you.”

Kian was a bit taken aback when Mark said okay to that last suggestion. He would never have accepted that kind of help if he could avoid it. That made Kian even more worried.

The interviews went fine. Nicky and Shane were on top form, chatting away a little extra to cover for Mark. When they arrived back to the hotel, Kian whispered to Shane:

“-I´ll stay with Mark tonight, okay.”  
“-Okay, yeah, great. Thanks man. Will he be okay?”  
“-Yeah.” Kian nodded.

They watched a late movie and Mark fell asleep on the couch. Kian helped him to bed and then he went to sleep himself on the opposite side of the big bed. Kian woke a few times during the night by Mark twisting restlessly on the bed. He reached out and patted him on the shoulder a couple of times, and that seemed to calm him down for a while. Suddenly Mark sat up in bed, put his feet to the floor and let out a deep breath.

“-What´s the matter?” Kian whispered.  
“-Need air. You go to sleep, I’ll just…leave.”

Mark was about to stand up and leave, when Kian grabbed his wrist harder than he intended to.

“-No. Come here.” he said.  
“-Why?” Mark said.  
“-Just come here.”

Mark returned to the bed. Kian wrapped an arm around him, spooning him from behind. 

“-Go to sleep.” he said. “-I´m here. I won´t leave you.”

Kian could feel Mark relax in his embrace and soon they were both asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

"-Where's Mark?" Shane asked.

It was only 10 minutes left until the concert and the other three had gathered outside the dressing rooms, ready to head off to the stage.

"-Still in his dressing room, I reckon." Nicky said.

Shane and Kian exchanged a worried glance.

"-I'll go get him." Kian offered.

Kian found him sitting on the floor, back against the wall. 

"-Mark, what's the matter?" 

Kian knelt in front of him, resting a hand on his shoulder. Mark looked up and Kian immediately saw the panic in his eyes.

"-I don't know... I'm... I'm freaking out or something..." his voice trembling slightly, hands shaking a little.

"-Okay. Take it easy. Just breath, okay."

Kian felt Mark's pulse and it was racing.

"-Feels like I'm gonna be sick..." Mark said, covering his mouth with his trembling hand, swallowing over and over again.

"-Okay. It's okay. Deep breaths." Kian said while reaching for the wastebasket that was standing just a few feet away, putting it on the floor beside Mark.

"-Fuck..." Mark whispered, shaking his head.

"-It's okay. Just breath." Kian soothed, keeping a hand on Mark's shoulder.

Mark struggled to get himself under control, but the panic was strong and his heart was racing.

"-It's okay. Deep breaths. You're gonna be alright."

Kian reached for a bottle of water that was nearby, without taking his hand off Mark's shoulder.

"-Have a sip."

Mark nodded and did as he was told. 

"-It's a panic attack, Mark. You'll be alright in a few minutes."

Kian could hear Mark trying to take deep breaths.

"-Mark. You can do this. You know you can. You've done it a thousand times before." Kian said.

Kian just wanted to wrap him in a big hug and tell him that he didn't have to do this, that they could just cancel the show and go back to the hotel. But they both knew they couldn't. Everything was set up and ready, 35.000 people were waiting for them right now. Shane and Nicky were waiting for them just outside the door. They had to go.

"-Take a deep breath. We'll do this together. I'm right beside you." he said, reassuringly.

Mark nodded.

Kian knew this wasn't exactly a good time to rush things. Mark would've needed his time to calm down and get a grip. But it was showtime, and that was not negotiable. Kian felt terrible helping Mark to stand up while telling him with a firm grip around his shoulders:

"-We have to go. Are you up to this, Mark?" 

Mark nodded and Kian could already see him getting into his showtime mode, focusing on the task ahead.

Kian knew that Mark had had issues with performing, especially earlier in their career. Mark was shy and his confidence had never been the best. In the early days, he used to be so nervous before a performance that he´d seriously thought about quitting. It would have been so much easier to just walk away from it all, go home and read his books and listen to his music and get a perfectly normal job as a teacher or something. But the love for singing and the great friendship with his band mates had made him stay. And as time had passed, he had learnt to handle the pressure a lot better. Also, the positive adrenaline rush he´d get from singing in front of an audience was not comparable to anything else.

Kian didn't think that today's little break down had anything to do with being nervous, though. They were fourteen years into their career by now and Mark had been cool with performing for several years now.

The concert went well and Kian didn’t tell the other lads about the incident. They travelled on their tour bus all night and Kian noticed that Mark looked even more pale than before but Mark refused to talk about it. When Mark fell asleep in his seat, Kian went up to him and pressed a hand to his forehead. It was burning with fever.  
“-Fuck…” he mumbled to himself.


	5. Chapter 5

They had done three concerts in three days, despite Mark being ill. Kian had demanded that they should cancel all of them. Mark had refused. Kian had even tried to talk to management about it, but they´d just told him that as long as Mark could stand up, they would go on with the shows as planned. Kian was furious.

  
“-Fuck them! Fuck all of them! They´re using him! He’s ill and they shouldn´t push him like this!” he shouted to Shane.  
“-Calm down, Ki. We´ll sort it out, okay. Have you spoken to Mark today? Is he any better?”  
“-No he isn’t! The lad needs a break! He’s probably gotten a pneumonia walking all night in the rain like that!”  
“-What?” Shane said, looking confused.  
“- Shit, I wasn’t gonna say anything, but fuck it. He knocked on my door the other night. Soaking wet and shivering with cold. He had been out for like six hours walking alone in the rain. Took all night to warm him up.”  
“-What the fuck…?” Nicky said.  
“-How…? Didn’t security…?” Shane began.  
“-I don’t know. He’s not a prisoner, you know. Anyway, he’s depressed, okay. And now he’s ill as well. He needs a break, lads!”  
“-Okay. But tomorrow is the last show and then we’re going home for a few weeks.”  
“-Yeah. I know. But I don´t like the idea of him having to do that concert tomorrow.”  
“-If he says he can, he can.”

  
There wasn’t much Kian could do about it as even Mark himself refused to admit there was a problem.

  
Kian stayed with Mark that night as well, Mark slept for 18 hours straight. Next day he showed up briefly for the sound check and then he had to go and lie down again a few hours before the show. Nicky and Shane came to his room to talk it through once more but he insisted on doing the last concert. Nicky gave him aspirin to help him get through it.

  
They did the concert and it went down quite well. The weird thing about Mark was that he sang ridiculously good when not feeling great. He admitted that himself, he had made his best vocals when he was sad or angry or just down. It was a weird dynamic, but at least it helped him this evening. The audience probably didn’t notice he was ill.

  
After the concert they were going to have a band meeting before going home tomorrow. They gathered in Kian´s room and went through the usual matters. Mark didn´t say much, as usual. He was sitting next to Nicky on the sofa. He couldn't quite follow the conversation anymore, wasn't sure what they were talking about. He felt a bit dizzy and his vision was a bit blurry. He kept his head down, trying not to show the others how he was feeling. If he could just get through this meeting, he could head back to his own room and just collapse on the bed. He really needed to go lie down.

"-...Mark..."

He heard his own name in the middle of a sentence. He didn't have a clue who had spoken and he didn't know what they've said.

"-Mark, you agree?" someone said.

He nodded and said something that must've been "yes" because right after that, everyone stood up and began to walk towards the door. Mark did too, but when he'd walked a couple of steps, he started to see dark spots dancing in front of him and then everything started to spin. He felt hands grabbing him and after that everything went black.


	6. Chapter 6

"-Whoa!" Kian yelped and grabbed Mark by the arm as he started to sway. Shane and Nicky were there in an instant, helping him. 

Mark sagged and the others were trying to protect him from hitting the floor by propping him up, but he was too heavy. They held onto him as he sank down, someone holding a hand to his back, someone gripping his arm, someone protecting his head from hitting the floor. In an instant, he was lying down on the floor.

"-Put him on his side." Kian urged.

Mark was out, face white as a sheet and not responding when Kian said softly:

"-Mark. Mark, look at me." 

Kian had knelt down beside him and was holding a hand to the back of his neck.

"-Look at me, Mark" Kian said again.

Mark didn't. His eyes were closed and he was completely still, laying on his side, arms in front of him. Kian looked up and saw Nicky and Shane looking like they were in a bit of a shock.

Kian wasn't. He had seen Mark spiraling towards this for quite some time. It had only been a matter of time before this would happen. Kian was surprised it hadn't happened sooner, with regards to how hard Mark had pushed himself.

"-Fuck..." Shane said, shaking his head.  
"-Calm down, lads. It'll be alright." Kian said, putting a strong and reassuring hand on Mark's shoulder and trying again:

"-Mark? Can you hear me?"

Mark barely managed to open his eyes a bit. Kian could see he was not awake, his eyes were empty and didn’t seem to be seeing. Kian ran a hand through Marks hair and stopped at the back of his neck, resting his hand gently there again.

"-Mark?" Kian said softly.  
"-Oh, fuck..." Mark mumbled, almost inaudible.  
"-Can you hear me, Mark?" Kian asked.  
"-I'm...sorry...." he slurred.  
"-Don't be." Kian said, keeping a hand to Mark's cheek.

Mark closed his eyes again.

"-Open your eyes, Mark. C'mon. Stay with me." 

Mark tried to lift his head but as soon as he did, everything began to spin violently and he had to lie down again, closing his eyes. He had been keeping his guard up for as long as he possibly could. He didn't like talking about how he was feeling and he didn't like asking for help. He didn't like the attention. But right now, lying helpless on the floor, not able to move, not able to talk, not even able to think properly, he had to face the fact that he was actually the center of attention. He was going to need to talk about how he was feeling. And he was going to need to accept help from his friends. 

"-It's alright. I'm here. I won’t leave you." Kian said softly, squeezing his hand. Mark squeezed back.

Kian stayed at his side, holding his hand, urging him to open his eyes and reminded him to breath. Shane and Nicky were on the opposite side of Mark, and Nicky could tell that Shane was upset. Shane was an emotional person in general, and he had been really worried seeing Mark becoming increasingly ill during the last few days. 

"-Fuck!" Shane yelped again, taking out his phone and rushing off. Nicky followed him, and it wasn't long before Nicky returned:

"-Shane is freaking out, he is calling an ambulance."

Mark squeezed Kian’s hand and mumbled:  
"-No... No..."

"-Get him off that fucking phone, Nicky! Do what you have to, just stop him!" Kian barked before turning his attention back to Mark.

"-Mark, can you hear me?"  
"-Mhm..."  
"-What's happening, man?"  
"-Don't...feel so good... Sorry..."  
"-It's okay."

Mark nodded weakly and closed his eyes again. Everything was still spinning.

Nicky and Shane returned, Nicky with both his own and Shane's phone in his hand. Shane was crying. Nicky put a comforting hand on his back. 

"-He'll be alright, Shane. Don't worry." He said.  
"-Yeah... Okay..." Shane said, wiping his face with the back of his hand.

The two of them knelt down beside Mark, who was more awake now but still dizzy. Kian told him to stay put on the floor for a few minutes. He couldn't have gotten up even if he'd tried. He felt like all of his muscles had turned into jelly. He even had trouble forming words, it felt like it was too much work to even try.

"-Have you eaten anything today, Mark?"  
"-He didn't eat anything when we ate." Nicky contributed.  
"-Have you had anything to drink?"  
Mark shook his head, closing his eyes.  
"-Okay." Kian said, nodding and pressing a hand to Mark's forehead. "-You're probably dehydrated. You need to drink. And we need to get your temperature down. This fever is too high."

Kian was a rock in situations like this. He always managed to stay focused and could always decide what needed to be done and what was important.

“-Shane, you go get a couple of towels. Soak them in cold water. Nicky, you go get a glass of water, okay?”  
Mark moaned slightly when Kian pressed the cold and damp towel to his hot skin. 

“-Okay…?” Kian asked.

Mark nodded. Kian continued to try and cool him down by moving the towel up to his forehead, down to his neck, and so on. After that, they helped him to sit up and drink. Nicky helped him off with his hoodie.

"-Stand up?"  
"-No..."  
"-We'll help you."

They pulled him up from the floor and Kian and Shane put his arms around their shoulders for support. He was leaning heavy on them. He felt completely useless, not even able to walk under his own steam.

"-Okay, let's put him in my bed. We can't leave him alone like this. Nicky, you go get his stuff from his room, okay?" Kian said.

Mark was surprised by how weak he felt. He had no energy left whatsoever, and Shane and Kian literally had to drag him to the bed. It was a bit scary, he was used to being the strong one and now he couldn't even walk. He was utterly grateful to the lads for taking charge and taking care of him. He wouldn't have managed to go back to his own room. He couldn't even remember where it was. He couldn't remember what day it was, if it was morning or evening, he didn't even know which city they were in. He just felt an urge to go to sleep. An urge so powerful it was almost scary. He had never been so tired in his life. The fever making his mind feel like a patchwork of different weird thoughts that did not make sense. 

He felt himself being gently laid down on the bed, several hands helping. Then he sank back down into darkness. 

Next visit into consciousness, he was hoisted up and a glass of water was gently pressed to his lips and he could hear a voice echoing far away saying "drink". He tried. Didn't remember how to. 

He was in a desert. The sand was hot under his feet and his mouth was dry as sandpaper and he was desperate to find some shelter and some water. He felt a hand pressing to his forehead and he heard a familiar soothing voice:

"-Shh... It's okay... I'm here, Mark... I won't leave you..."  
He heard someone, maybe himself, moan slightly before drifting off again.

He felt something damp and cool being gently pressed to his forehead, and then down his face and the side of his neck. It felt good. He couldn't gather the strength to open his eyes to check what it was. He thought he heard a voice in the distance. Someone saying "easy, it'll be alright". 

When he woke next time he was shivering by cold. He felt someone pulling off his damp and cold t-shirt and replacing it with a dry one. He drifted off again.

When he opened his eyes next time, the room was not as bright as he remembered it. He laid still on his back for a while to get his bearings. He felt a bit like his mind was clearer. It was easier to think. The noise in his ears was gone. 

"-Hey..." a soft voice said.

Kian was sitting right beside him in bed, reaching out a hand and pressing it to Mark's forehead. 

"-You're awake." Kian said softly, a tender yet concerned smile spreading across his face.

Mark didn't respond. Couldn't. Didn't remember how to. Wasn't sure this was real, anyway. Maybe it was just one of those weird dreams or whatever. 

"-The fever is finally letting go a bit, huh?" Kian said.  
"-I... Yeah..." Mark tried.  
"-Fuck, we've been worried about you Mark." Kian said, shaking his head.  
"-You have...?" Mark said.  
"-Yeah, Shane and Nicky have been here all night as well. They didn't want to leave you. They went to their own rooms just a few hours ago to get some sleep, after making sure your fever was dropping.”

Kian took his phone out. 

"-Gonna send the lads a text saying you're awake."  
"-What time is it?"  
"-It's four in the morning. I'm gonna try to get some sleep now. They can read my message when they wake up."  
"-You haven't slept?"  
"-Of course not. I've been checking on you."  
"-All night?"  
"-Yeah. Of course."  
"-Oh... I don't know how to..."  
"-Just drink some water and go back to sleep. We'll talk tomorrow."


	7. Chapter 7

Mark didn’t remember much of the trip back to Sligo. He could only remember fragments from being led onto the bus and being urged by the other lads to keep drinking more water. Other than that, he had been sleeping most of the trip.

Kian had decided to make Mark company to his house and make sure he was okay before going home to his own house. They arrived at Mark´s house just after lunch. Mark went and sat down in the living room sofa while Kian went to get their bags. When he got back, Mark was asleep. Sitting up. It was adorable. Kian laid him down and put a blanket over him. He ran a hand through dark hair while looking tenderly at him. He thought Mark was a bit like a big teddy bear that you just wanted to hug. He was larger than Kian. Masculine yet fragile. Strong yet vulnerable. 

Kian was exhausted himself after the tour and after the debacle last night. He decided to lie down in the other sofa. Just for a while.

When he woke up, it was dark. He looked at his watch, it was 11 pm. They had been sleeping for 10 hours. He looked over at Mark who was still sleeping like a baby. He went over to him and whispered:

"-Mark..."

No reaction. 

"-Marky..." he said, just a bit louder, shaking Mark's shoulder.  
"-Mhm..." Mark mumbled. Eyes still shut.  
"-It's time to go to bed."  
"-Mhm..."  
"-C'mon, let's go."

Kian dragged Mark up from the sofa and put his arm around his waist.

"-What...?" Mark mumbled.  
"-Sleep. Bedroom." Kian said.  
"-Pee. Bathroom." Mark answered with a big yawn.

Kian giggled and let him go. 

When Mark returned, Kian had poured a big glass of water for him.

"-You're not getting to go to bed unless you drink this."  
"-Okay, mum." Mark said, drinking the water all at once.

Kian walked Mark to the bedroom and made sure he was comfortable. 

"-Were are you gonna sleep?" Mark asked.  
"-Guest room." Kian said.  
"-Beds not made up."  
"-Oh. Sofa, then."  
"-Don't be ridiculous. Come on. It's a big bed." Mark said, patting the bed beside him. 

Kian was too tired to bother, he took his jeans off and curled up beside Mark and went to sleep.

Kian woke up again 12 hours later. Mark was still sleeping like a log. 

"-Mark..." he whispered. "-Time to wake up, man."  
"-Mhm..." Mark mumbled.  
"-You have been sleeping for almost 24 hours, Mark. You need to eat and drink. C'mon."   
"-Tired..." Mark said.  
"-I know. You'll get to sleep more in a few hours, but right now I need you to get out of this bed. You have to eat and drink, otherwise you'll never recover."  
"-Okay..."

Kian put a blanket around Mark's shoulders and they went to the living room.

They spent the entire day in front of the TV, slouched on the sofa. Mark drifting in and out of sleep. In the evening, Kian ordered pizza. Mark didn't want any, but Kian forced him to eat some. It took Mark almost an hour to finish his half of the pizza. When he was done, he sat back against the backrest, tilting his head back and said:

"-I'm too tired to go to bed."  
"-Well, I can't carry you, you're too heavy."  
"-Telling me I'm fat, Ki...?"  
"-No, Mark. Just telling you I'm weak. You're beautiful."  
"-Yeah, right..."   
"-You are."  
"-I'm not. But thanks."  
"-You are. Come here."

Kian reached out and tugged at Mark's arm to pull him closer. He leant back against the armrest and urged Mark to tilt sideways and lay his head on Kian's chest. Mark let out a tired sigh and closed his eyes for a moment. He felt the warmth from Kian's chest, and soon an arm came around his back to stroke gently. Kian's other hand was carding through Mark's hair. He could hear Kian's heartbeats. It was comforting.

“-Thank you.” Mark said.  
“-For what?” Kian asked.  
“-For this, you know. Taking care of me. You don't have to babysit me, you know. I'll be fine."  
“-I know. I´m not babysitting you, Mark.”  
“-Well, it is appreciated.”

Kian kissed the top of Marks head and they went silent again. They laid like that for maybe an hour until the movie finished.

"-C´mon, let's get you to bed." Kian said, pushing Mark up.

Kian suggested that he would make up the bed in the guest room but Mark objected.

“-It´s late. You can do that tomorrow. Let´s just sleep, okay.” Mark said, yawning.

They both fell asleep almost immediately.


	8. Chapter 8

When they woke up the next morning, the house was a bit cold. 

“-I´m freezing.” Kian said.   
“-Come here, I´ll warm you.” Mark said, and wrapped his arm around him. 

Kian could feel Marks larger frame, warm against him. Marks arm wrapped around him, keeping him close. He turned into Marks embrace a bit and nuzzled into Marks neck. Mark stroked gently over his back. Kian felt safe and…just…happy. There was no better way to describe it. He felt happiness. He couldn’t help wondering what that was all about. It was weird to feel so happy just from a hug from Mark. It was like if his heart was warmed along with his body.

“-You´re tired?” Mark asked.  
"-Yes. I am." Kian answered, nodding slowly.  
"-That's understandable."  
"-I guess."  
"-You're practically our second tour manager. You do loads of work with that. I wouldn't cope, I wouldn't have the energy for both the performances and the stuff that you do. Honestly, I admire you for handling that so well."  
"-Thanks. I think I've been tired for a while actually, I just haven't allowed myself to feel it. I could probably sleep for a couple of days."  
"-Yeah...? Well, you've come to the right place.”

Kian Laughed.

“-Let´s try and get out of bed for just a couple of hours at least. Then we can sleep again. Maybe we could go for a walk, if you’re up to it?”  
“-Absolutely.”

They were walking in an area behind Mark´s house where there were nice little walking paths and no roads.

"-What do you think is the hardest part of being in Westlife?" Mark asked.  
"-I don't know, really. I enjoy most of it. Haven't really thought about it like that. I guess it's a bit frustrating sometimes, always having to compromise and negotiate and that. But I'd rather do that and be in the band than make all the decisions on my own and be solo."  
"-Yeah, I know what you mean."

"-What about you then...? What do you think is the hardest part?" Kian asked.  
"-I don't know... I just feel a bit inadequate sometimes, I guess."  
"-In what way?" Kian said, frowning.  
"-Well, I don't know... For example, remember when someone came in and took the sweets from the minibar in my hotel room?"  
"-Yeah well, you should've told me, I would've fucking killed them. Fucking idiots. Who was it?"  
"-Doesn't matter, Kian, it was years and years ago.”  
"-Well, they didn't have any right, Mark. You should have told them to go fuck themselves."  
"-Yeah, well, the order came from Louis, so..."  
"-Fuck Louis! He don't know shit! And besides, you are perfect. No need to feel inadequate at all. People are different. You have a slightly larger frame than us. It suits you very well. End of story."  
"-But..."  
"-No! I'm so fucking tired of people treating you like that, Mark! Why do you let them?"  
"-Well... I don't know, I've tried, I really have."  
"-I know, I've noticed. You've gotten better at it. That's good, Mark. But still - long way to go before you become like me!"  
"-Don't think I ever will..." Mark said with a smile. "-Anyway, Louis have picked on all of us, right? He told Shane he had to go to the gym. And Nicky even had he's teeth done because of Louis comments. And what about you, did he ever tell you to go fix anything?"  
"-He did once, but you know me, I went mental and screamed at him and he never did it again."  
"-You did?"  
"-Yeah. But you know, Shane could handle that comment and Nicky was just happy about getting his teeth done. What annoys me is when he keeps picking on you. He really should back off. I've even told him several times."  
"-You have?"  
"-Yeah. It just isn't fair you know. People are different. You look great. You should be proud. Fuck all those comments. You are gorgeous."  
"-Thank you."

The sun came out and both of them stopped and turned their faces to the sun, closing their eyes. They were standing in silence, side by side, letting the sun warm them.

"-You know, you and I have different ways of dealing with stuff. For example, in school I was bullied too in the beginning, but unlike you I fought back. And then they didn't pick on me again. And then I figured attack is the best defense and started to pick on people myself, including you. I still regret that, Mark. I really do, to this day." Kian said sincerely.  
"-I know. Wasn't your fault."  
"-It was, actually. I could have chosen not to. I could have easily told the other boys in that gang to leave you alone, and they probably would've."  
"-You can't be sure of that, can you. Besides, I was bullied by other people as well so it wouldn't have made much difference. Don't worry about it."  
"-No, but what I'm saying is that it's a weird dynamic, bullying people. The ones doing it might not even want to do it, many of them just do it to avoid being bullied themselves. You were physically stronger than all of us, you could've easily punched us in the nose or pushed us into the shower instead."  
"-I couldn't. I wouldn't know how to. I don't have it in me."  
"-No you don't. And I admire you for that. But you know Mark, sometimes you just have to pretend. Pretend you have it in you and just do it."  
"-What do you mean?"  
"-You should try and stand up a bit more for yourself. You are not that child anymore."  
"-I know..."  
"-Just try and say no to that dance move that makes you feel uncomfortable. Say no to wearing that shirt that shows off too much. Say no to me when I'm on about something."  
"-Yeah... Okay... Just don't like confrontations, you know..."  
"-I know. But it doesn't need to be that dramatic. Telling the stylist you prefer another jacket is not a confrontation."  
"-Yeah, okay, I get what you mean."  
"-Besides, a person who gets bullied for years must be a hell of a lot stronger than the person who bullies. You know what I mean? It took a lot of strength of you to put up with all that crap for so many years, Mark. To stand alone all those times. You should use that inner strength."

Mark gave Kian an inquiring look before answering.

"-That's an interesting take on it, Kian. I've always thought of it as weakness, not strength. I was scared, I wasn't brave. I was quiet, I didn't talk back. I wasn't strong, Kian."  
"-But you were. They didn't break you."  
"-They did. I was devastated. I cried every day. Just not in front of them."  
"-I know, Mark. I know you went through hell. But still, you coped. You are strong. You should remember that now.”


	9. Chapter 9

"-You feel better today?"  
"-I do. Much better."  
"-I can see it. The spark is back."  
"-The spark, huh?"  
"-Yeah. The spark in your eyes. It wasn't there yesterday. Or the day before that. Or the day before that... Or..."

Mark looked at Kian in silence.

"-Look, I'm sorry. I know I've been a total disaster lately. I didn't mean to be." he said.  
"-You don't have to apologize. I don't blame you. It's been a mad few months."  
"-Yeah, but it's not fair to take it out on you and the other lads."  
"-Don't worry about it." he said "-We all have our moments."

It was late in the evening and they had been spending the whole day in the sofa again. 

Mark sat up and yawned and Kian turned off the TV with the remote. They just sat there in the dim light for a few moments, gathering enough strength to actually move to the bedroom. Kian was the first one to stand up. He placed himself right in front of Mark and took his hands and pulled him up too.

Kian remained standing in front of Mark, holding his large warm hands. He didn’t want to let go. He felt so protective of Mark right now, he just wanted to hold him. He reached up and put his arms around broad shoulders and leant in. Mark was a bit surprised, but after just a couple of seconds he hugged back.

They were standing like that for several minutes. Not speaking. Kian didn't want to let go. Ever. They parted just enough to be able to look each other in the eyes, still holding on to one another. Kian looked up into kind but tired eyes and Mark tilted his head and put his forehead to Kian's. Then they were standing like that for ages, just breathing close together, eyes closed. 

Suddenly, Mark felt something against his lips. Soft and slow and careful. Did Kian....kiss him? It was just a touch. Kian not even moving his lips, just touching Mark's lips with his own, breathing into Mark's mouth. Mark wasn't even sure if it was meant to be a kiss. But it felt good and he didn't pull back. Kian put a hand on the back of Mark's neck and did something that definitely felt like a proper kiss. Mark returned it. Twice.

"-Shit, I'm sorry..." Kian suddenly whispered, pulling back and looking down into the floor.

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. How could Mark have interpreted it so wrong? He thought Kian had kissed him, so he'd kissed back. And now Kian was...sorry!?

"-No, I'm sorry!" Mark said, shaking his head, eyes full of regret.  
"-For what?" Kian said, looking up at him.  
"-For...kissing you...?"

Kian looked at him with an utterly confused look.

"-No. I kissed you. I’m sorry."

Mark looked even more puzzled than Kian. 

"-You kissed me? And you're sorry? Okay..." he said, frowning.  
"-Yeah. Didn't mean to take advantage of you."  
"-Take advantage...?"  
"-Yeah... You know… You're sort of vulnerable right now. I shouldn't have..."

Mark giggled a little. The first giggle Kian had heard from him for several weeks.

"-I'm a big boy, Kian. You didn't take advantage of me. I liked it. I kissed you back, didn't you notice?"  
"-Yeah, but..."  
"-Come here, you moron." Mark said, kissing his forehead and wrapping him in a hug.

They slept in the same bed that night too, holding hands.


	10. Chapter 10

"-What impresses you most about Shane?"  
"-The voice, obviously. It's mad. I've heard people say they can't hear the difference between our records and him singing live, so they just wait for me to come in with my verse before they can decide it is not actually lip-sync. That's mad."   
"-It is mad. I don't know how he does it. It seems so effortless as well."  
"-I know! He's just standing there smiling, and managing to sing like an angel. I have to concentrate when singing, and even then it won't always come out good."  
"-It does, Mark. Your voice is insane. Just insane. There's no better way to describe it."  
"-But the quality of it depends on so many things you know, if I'm tired, if I'm nervous, if I'm just not in the mood, if you know what I mean."  
"-Well, I always admire it."  
"-Another thing about Shane is that he is such a perfectionist. I mean, the amount of time we spend on rehearsals sometimes is ridiculous. He's very hard to satisfy, he always finds something that can be improved. He can go on for hours about stuff."  
“-Is that something to be impressed by, you mean?”  
“-Yeah, I guess. It’s impressive that he is so adamant.”

Kian took a sip from his tea. Mark had made a huge breakfast and they had been sitting back enjoying it for over an hour now.

"-What about Nicky. What are we most impressed by?"  
"-I think....I don't know what to call it exactly, but...confidence maybe? You know how he seems to always be able to adjust to any situation, never gets nervous, always being himself and always giving energy to others?"  
"-Yeah, I know what you mean. Like if we're on telly and they want us to do something stupid, he just plunges in and does it, he just goes for it. He's never afraid of how he's gonna look or anything like that."  
"-Exactly. Remember that time we were on Al Murray’s and they suddenly wanted us to eat a donut without licking our lips? What kind of a fucked up idea is that, anyway? I don't wanna do that on national TV! I just took one bite of mine, but Nicky went for it, totally. He squashed the whole donut into his mouth without hesitating."  
"-I remember." Kian giggled.  
"-I wish I could be more like that, sometimes. Just go for it and have fun. I'm always way to worried about how it will look and what people are gonna think and if I'm gonna make a fool out of myself, you know?"  
"-Yeah. I know. Me too, to some extent."

"-So, the moment of truth, Marky. What about me?"  
"-What impresses me most about you?"  
"-Yeah. Come on. Hit me."  
"-Well... There are lots of things, obviously ..."  
"-Name one."  
"-You're a natural leader, for starters. You're not afraid to take charge. You're not afraid of telling someone off if you think it is necessary. You always speak your mind. For me, that is very impressive. I'm not like that at all, I don’t have the guts.”  
"-Mhm..." Kian nodded.  
"-Also, you're a very caring person. Obviously. I mean, who else would’ve stayed with me for like a week on their vacation just to make sure I'm okay? Most people wouldn't care, you know.”  
"-They would, though. Have you seen your phone? I have been answering like 100 messages for you from your family and from the lads. Everyone's been worried sick about you."  
"-I know. But you stayed."  
"-Of course I did. You needed me."  
"-I did. I do."

Mark gave Kian a shy smile and Kian’s heart skipped a beat.

"-Okay, so, can I tell you what I'm impressed about now?" Kian said.  
"-Regarding me, you mean?"  
"-Yepp."  
"-You really don't have to. I'm not that impressive, really."  
"-What kind of talk is that! You are!"  
"-I'm not."  
"-Okay. I'll show you. I'll tell you ten things about you that impresses me."  
"-Good luck with that one..." Mark snorted.

Kian took a bite of his sandwich.

"-Okay. Number ten. Your voice."  
"-My voice is number ten?" Mark said with a raised eyebrow.  
"-Well. Maybe not. Maybe a bit higher. But don't take the numbers too seriously, okay."  
"-Okay."  
"-Number nine. Your intellect."  
"-Really..."   
"-Really. You are smart. I don't think you've quite realized that yourself, but you are. Very."

Mark shook his head and snorted.

"-Number eight. Your looks."  
"-Get outta here, will ya. That's not funny."  
"-I'm being serious, Mark. You are handsome."  
"-Yeah, right."  
"-You are, okay. All tall and masculine and just so fucking good looking. I know you have trouble believing that, but it's true. You are beautiful. Very beautiful."

Mark looked down into his teacup.

"-Number seven. Your humor. I just love it. It's sort of low-key but very clever. Some of the best Westlife-moments on telly have been when you just sit quiet and listen and then suddenly comes up with the most clever and hilarious thing to say. Nicky can keep an audience happy for fifteen minutes on pure cheerfulness, but when you say one of your clever quirky little things, you just bring down the house."

Mark studied Kian in silence. Didn’t really know what to say. Didn’t know how Kian would be able to come up with ten things for this list.

"-Number six. Your team spirit."  
"-My what?"  
"-Team spirit. Like when Shane and I sing the lead in "If I let you go". You could chose to just stand there, relaxing and sort of save your voice for your next song. But you don't. You always sing the harmonies. Always. No matter how boring they are or how tired you are. I think that says a lot about you. You don't let us down."  
"-Of course I don't. You and Nicky spend most of the concerts singing harmonies, so why would I not do the same when it's my turn."

Kian nodded.

"-Number five. You are very non-judgmental. You're that person to whom people can always turn, you know. If someone's got a problem or anything, they can always talk to you. You never judge and you are very good at making people feel acknowledged."  
"-Thanks, Ki. I appreciate that. I'd like to be that person."  
"-You are that person."

Mark was actually a bit moved by this last remark. He didn’t know Kian had these thoughts about him. 

"-Number four. You care. You're always the first one to ask "are you alright there, Kian?" And your keen on making everyone feel good. Just don’t forget yourself, you know. You should be your own first priority.”  
“-That sounds so selfish, doesn’t it? Can’t go around thinking I am the most important person, you know.”  
“-Well, to some extent I think you should. At least try, sometimes.”

Mark nodded and exhaled slowly. He wasn’t sure he would ever be able to put himself first. He knew that was an issue he’d be forced to deal with sooner or later.

"-Number three. Your creativeness. You have actually written some of the best Westlife songs ever."  
"-You really think so?"  
"-I do. You're a genius.”

Mark felt himself blush a bit.

"-Number two. You are strong and persistent. You've gone through a lot, I know that. I know you are shy and I know it was a struggle for many years to be able to even go on stage. But you did it. I'm so fucking impressed by that."

Mark nodded slightly again, not knowing what to say.

"-Number one. Your integrity. You said earlier that you wished you were more like Nicky. And I can understand that. Nicky is fantastic. But Mark, I think you should stay exactly the way you are. The reason you don't eat a donut on live television and the reason you don't talk about yourself all the time is spelled integrity. And you have lots of it. And you should keep it that way. Anyways, we already have one Nicky and we don't need another one."

Mark giggled.

“-Okay, so that’s ten things. I can tell you ten more if you want?”  
“-No thanks, Ki. I’m already embarrassed enough to last for a life time.

Kian smiled and shook his head. He went over to Mark’s side of the table and suddenly he was straddling Mark, holding his face between his hands. 

“-You’re fantastic, Mark. In so many ways. I just wish you could see it yourself.”

He leant forward and kissed Mark softly. Mark slowly put his arms around Kian’s waist. Kian moved his hands from Mark’s face to his shoulders. The kisses became longer and more passionate and Mark’s hands found their way in underneath Kian’s t-shirt.


	11. Chapter 11

"-So... You're going home tomorrow?" Mark asked.  
"-If you want me to."  
"-I don't want you to. But I do understand that you have to. Thank you for staying this long. I don't know how to ever pay you back."  
"-You pay me back all the time without realizing it."

Mark didn't know how to answer that. Wasn't sure what Kian meant. They were lying in bed, ready to go to sleep after another day of just relaxing. This odd vacuum that always followed on a long tour used to be hard for Mark to handle, but with Kian beside him it was just nice. They had created some kind of routine by now. Kian getting up first, Mark sleeping in for a bit. Eating brunch together and going for a walk. Maybe go for a drive in the afternoon. Relaxing a few hours in front of the TV in the evenings. Sleeping a lot more than normal. They deserved it. 

"-It's a bit cold tonight.” Kian said.  
“-Yeah, shall I get you another blanket?” Mark asked.  
“-Or you could just let me hold you for a bit?"  
"-Wouldn’t say no to that." Mark said, turning his back to Kian, letting him come closer.

He felt Kian's stomach pressing to his back and then a strong arm came around to wrap around his waist. A hand came up to rest firmly on Mark's chest. He could feel Kian nuzzle into his neck and coming to rest behind him. It was nice. Nice and comfortable and warm and safe. He put his hand on top of Kian's on his chest.

“-Thank you. You’re warm. Just what I needed.” Kian said softly.

Mark smiled and entwined his fingers with Kian’s.

“-You’re beautiful…” Kian mumbled.   
“-You too…” Mark said sleepily.

Mark almost began to nod off when he felt Kian's hand tracing along his chest and then down his stomach and then up again in slow circles.   
"-So nice and warm..." Kian mumbled.  
"-You too..." Mark whispered back, sleepily.

Kian moved his hand down to Mark's thigh. Still caressing slow and gentle, both on the front and on the back of his thigh, sometimes continuing up his hip and around to his bum. 

"-So beautiful..." he heard Kian mumble to the back of his neck.

Mark wasn't sure what to do. The feeling of Kian pressed to his back and the hand that skated over his body started to make him feel aroused. He reckoned it was highly inappropriate. Kian was his friend and he didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable.

Even as he felt Kian pressing his erection to Mark's bum, Mark still wasn't sure what was actually going on... 

"-Oh, Mark..." Kian whispered, starting to grind slowly against him, nibbling at his ear from behind.

Kian's hand was all over Mark by now. Down his thigh, up his chest, stroking his hip. When Kian went to feel the inside of Mark's thigh, his hand touched Mark's groin and oh...Mark was hard too. Kian went extremely slow when he reached down to feel it. He started at Mark's thigh and went slowly upwards to give Mark plenty of time to stop him if he wanted to. But Mark didn't. 

When Kian's hand cupped Mark's hardness through the fabric, Mark closed his eyes and let out a small moan:  
"-Mm..."

It was the sexiest sound Kian had ever heard, and the combination of hearing that sound and feeling Mark's erection in his hand made him shudder. 

"-Mark... So beautiful..." he whispered.

Mark laid completely still, eyes closed, breathing fast. Trying to get his head around what was going on. Was this really happening? Kian´s hand skating over his erection, Kian breathing in his ear? This was good beyond belief.

Kian couldn't hold back for much longer, he felt he had to do something. His erection was throbbing in his boxers and Mark was so damn sexy lying there in front of him all warm and cuddly. He pressed himself hard to Mark's back and reached down into Mark's pajama bottoms to close his hand on Mark's erection. Then he begun to grind against Mark's bum and thrust slowly, his hardness trapped between them.

"-Oh god..." he breathed.  
"-Mm..." Mark acknowledged.

Mark was just beginning to think maybe he should turn around and actually participate when he felt Kian suddenly speeding up his thrusts and breathing even heavier. 

"-Uhn... Oh... Oh..." Kian moaned before coming hard in his boxers, shuddering and making the sexiest little whimpering sound.

Mark was a bit surprised by how fast Kian had come. Mark himself wasn't that close yet. 

"-I'm sorry. You were just too sexy. Couldn't hold it longer than that." Kian breathed.  
"-It's okay..." Mark assured him.  
"-No. Let me make you come. Please." Kian breathed.  
"-You don't have to..."

Kian was already on his knees, pushing Mark down and climbing on top to straddle him, keeping one hand inside Mark's pajama bottoms. They kissed slowly and almost shyly. Kian being very observant to how Mark reacted to his touch, not wanting to do any mistakes.

It wasn't long until Mark was panting hard, arching up into Kian's grip, kissing him hard. He came with a moan, his large hands clinging to Kian’s waist. Kian slowly let go of him and laid down beside him, resting his head on Mark's shoulder. Soon they were both sound asleep. Mark on his back, one arm around Kian. Kian nuzzled against his neck, keeping one arm around Mark's waist.


	12. Chapter 12

"-You wanna have dinner before you go home, or...?"  
"-Erm... Well... I was thinking... Maybe I could stay, just one more night? If it's okay with you, I mean?"  
"-Of course! I like having you here. Just thought you needed to go home."  
"-I don't think I do. I think I need to stay. I think I...need you." Kian said, pulling Mark closer and kissing him slowly.

"-Wow..." Mark whispered when they parted.  
"-Yeah..."

Kian looked serious and said:

“-You know you can just tell me to leave, right? I won’t think less of you. We can just…not mention it again. Go back to where we were…before….”  
“-I don’t want to. Do you?”  
“-No! God, no!”  
“-Okay… So… Dinner, then…?”  
“-Yes.”

Kian was sitting in the kitchen, watching Mark making a pasta. Mark was a natural in the kitchen, looking like he knew exactly what he was doing. It was nice to see him like that, and Kian had to go over and press himself to Marks back and wrap his arms around him. Kian enjoyed the solid chest under his hands. Mark was tall and strong and Kian felt the muscles moving while Mark stirred something.

They didn’t eat in front of the TV this time. They had done that every night since they got back home but tonight their energy levels seemed to have finally reached normal again and they could actually put some effort in. There was even a glass of wine to accompany the pasta.

They were sitting in the kitchen all night, talking for hours on end. It was almost astonishing they had so much to talk about, considering they’d known each other all their grown lives. It was way past midnight when they finally went to bed. Kian didn't even ask if he could sleep in Mark's bed. He just curled up to Mark as if it was the most natural thing in the world. And it was. Mark felt it too. It felt totally right.

They laid on their sides, facing each other. Kian reached out and traced Mark's eyebrow with his thumb.

"-Your eyebrows might just be my favorite part of you."   
"-Oh, thanks." Mark giggled. 

Mark traced his fingers along Kian's jaw and said:

"-And I like your fangs. Your teeth in general, but your fangs in particular."  
"-Thanks. I might bite your ear later if you're good..."  
"-Mm... Looking forward to that..." 

Mark reached up and placed a hand on the back of Kian's neck and kissed him. The kisses were slow and gentle. Almost shy. 

Mark started to stroke Kian's back slowly. His hand went up and down Kian's spine, feeling all the muscles. Kian was strong. Not as strong as Mark, but strong for his size. He had strong shoulders and it was apparent that he went to the gym quite often. Mark felt a bit inadequate.

"-You're so beautiful, Mark..." Kian whispered, looking at him very sincere.   
"-I'm not. But you are." Mark said.  
"-Let me show you how beautiful you are..." Kian said, breathing into Mark's mouth.

Kian tugged at Mark's t-shirt, wanting to get rid of it. Mark tugged it off reluctantly. Kian took one look at Mark's chest and then he said:  
"-Oh god, Mark..." pushing him down to lay on his back while he straddled him and reached down to kiss his chest. "-This chest is ridiculously sexy..." he said, playing with Mark's chest hair and kissing his stomach. Kian was a lot braver this evening, yesterday had been a bit awkward maybe. He tugged off his own t-shirt as well.

Mark reached up to touch Kian's chest. My god, his chest was so masculine and sexy. Broad shoulders and strong arms and just a bit of chest hair. Mark pulled him down to be able to kiss him. Stroking his back, his neck, his bum, feeling every inch of him. 

Kian had been hard for some time now and he could feel Mark's growing hardness beginning to press to his groin from underneath him. He started to grind down carefully, feeling Mark arching up a bit. They were both in their boxers and Kian reached down to stroke Mark through the fabric. Mark moaned a little, pushing back up.

Mark reached for Kian's boxers and pulled a little at the elastic with one finger, as if asking for permission. 

"-Yeah..." Kian nodded, and tugged them down, wriggling awkwardly out of them, still on top of Mark. 

"-Taking yours off too..." Kian mumbled while pulling Mark's boxers down. Mark's erection was larger than Kian had anticipated and he gasped a bit at the sight of it.

"-Oh my god... That's amazing..." he said, closing his hand on it, feeling it throb.  
"-Uhn..." Mark managed, closing his eyes. "-You are amazing, Ki." he said, caressing Kian’s thighs carefully.

Kian laid down on top of Mark and they continued to just kiss and grind together. Suddenly, Mark gripped Kian firmly and rolled to one side, making Kian roll with him. As they laid on their sides, facing each other, Mark took one of Kian's legs and pulled it up around Mark's waist. Then he reached around Kian's thigh and cupped his hand around Kian's balls. He managed to wriggle the other hand in between them and started to stroke Kian’s erection. 

"-Oh my god..." Kian shuddered.  
"-Okay...?" Mark asked.  
"-Yeah... So good..." Kian breathed heavily.

Kian had one arm underneath Mark's neck, his hand resting firmly on Mark's back. His other hand was on Mark's erection. It wasn’t particularly comfortable and it felt like there were arms and hands and legs everywhere, but they couldn’t care less.

Kian was the first one to start thrusting. He couldn't hold out any longer. He needed some pressure and he felt Mark's hand squeezing tighter. Mark started to thrust into Kian's hand as well, building up a rhythm. 

They were breathing hard into each other's mouths, kissing passionately, moaning.

"-Mm..." Mark managed.  
"-Mark... Uhn..." 

Kian suddenly clawed at Mark's back, holding his breath, trembling. Mark tightened his grip around Kian's balls. A second later, Kian came with a muffled cry. When Mark felt the warm liquid over his hand, he came too.

"-Breath..." Mark whispered, stroking Kian's back.  
"-Yeah... Trying..." Kian panted.  
"-You alright...?"  
"-Never been better. Mark, you're fantastic."  
"-You too. You're gorgeous."


	13. Chapter 13

"-I was thinking...maybe I could just stay for....a movie....and then go home afterwards?"  
"-Yeah. Of course." 

Kian didn’t want to go home and Mark didn’t want him to leave but none of them knew how to talk about that yet, so they just continued to pretend that this was something temporary and that Kian was just on a little visit. Each day trying to find a new excuse for him not to leave.

The movie started and they sat down close together on the couch. Mark wrapped an arm around Kian's shoulders and Kian curled up a bit, resting his head on Mark's chest.

"-I really like this." Kian said.  
"-Me too. Nice and cozy. You smell good." Mark said.  
"-You smell even better." Kian said, reaching up to nuzzle into Mark's stubbly neck.

Kian kissed Mark's jaw and Mark reached down to kiss him back, cupping Kian's cheek with his hand. Kian changed position, climbing onto his knees on the couch, straddling Mark. Mark kept his hands around Kian's waist. Kian held Mark's face between his hands, kissing him passionately. 

After a few moments, Mark started to tug at Kian's t-shirt and as soon as the kiss broke, he pulled the t-shirt over Kian's head, tossing it to one side. Mark pulled Kian closer and started to kiss and lick his chest and suck at his neck. Kian tipped his head back and closed his eyes. He grabbed Mark’s hair with one hand, bracing himself to the backrest of the couch with the other.

There was some more awkward pulling and tugging of clothes, and soon they were both in their boxers. Mark holding his hands firmly on Kian’s bum, Kian still straddling him.

"-Beautiful..." Kian breathed, while climbing off the couch and kneeling on the floor in front of Mark instead, tugging at Marks boxers. Mark's erection was impressive and Kian shuddered of want before closing his hand on it.

"-You...you don't have to..." Mark swallowed.  
"-Shhh... I want to..." Kian said, before bending down. 

Mark couldn't watch. It was too much. Kian closing his lips around him, hot and wet and wanting. One hand stroking firmly up and down. He closed his eyes and tipped his head back.

"-Oh... Ki..."

Kian pushed Mark's legs further apart to get better access. He cupped his other hand around Mark's balls and when he heard Mark panting hard, he started to stroke faster and harder. 

"-Oh god... Uhn..."

Kian looked up and saw Mark looking completely lost in the moment. His eyes were closed and his mouth was a bit open, and he was making the sexiest sounds. 

"-Oh... Yes... There…"

Mark was panting hard now and had to struggle not to arch up or thrust into Kian's mouth. He needed more pressure and suddenly, he reached down and closed his hand over Kian's and they stroked him over the edge together.

Two seconds before coming, he reached for Kian's cheek and pushed his face gently out of the way. He didn't want to come in Kian's mouth, he knew Kian wasn't used to that.

Mark came with a moan, looking sexier than ever. Kian shuddered of want, his own erection still untouched in his boxers. He climbed back up to Mark and gave him a long kiss. Mark pushed him down until he laid on his back on the couch, then he climbed on top and rested his own weight on his elbows while kissing Kian slowly. He ground down onto Kian's crotch and made him whimper.

"-Oh... Mark..." he breathed, arching up desperately.  
"-Mm... So good..." Mark whispered in his ear.

Mark took his time. He spent several minutes making his way down slowly across Kian’s body, kissing every inch of it, feeling every muscle with his fingertips, until he reached Kian’s boxers. He started out stroking him through the fabric, and when Kian let out a desperate sound, he tugged them off and started to kiss and lick slowly around Kian’s erection. Kian moaned:

"-Oh God… Mark… Please…"

Mark decided it was time to give Kian’s erection some attention. He begun to lick it carefully, stroking the shaft and reaching down to cup the balls, while swirling his tongue around the head.

"-Mark… Need you…”

Mark finally closed his mouth over Kian’s erection and as he did, he gently pressed a thumb to Kian’s entrance. 

"-Oh…" Kian said in surprise. After a moment of slight hesitation, he spread his legs to give Mark access. Mark took that as a sign of approval and pressed a little harder.

"-Oh my god. My god. My god." Kian panted, looking down.   
"-You alright?" Mark checked.  
"-Yes. Yes. More. Please."  
"-More?"  
"-Yes, PLEASE..."  
"-You sure?"   
"-Yes. Oh god. Yes. Please. Now."

Mark sucked on his fingers before reaching down to start to push one finger inside, slowly. He was still stroking Kian's erection with his other hand. He could hear Kian's breathing becoming different. It was like if he held each breath for a second before letting it out. It sounded almost like he was in pain.

"-Want me to stop?" Mark asked.  
"-Don't stop." Kian managed.  
"-I'll go slow." Mark said.  
"-Oh my god… More..."

Mark slid his finger in a bit further and Kian moaned:

"-Oh... So good... So good..."

Mark pulled out a bit and then started to push two fingers in. He went even slower this time, giving Kian all the time he needed.

"-Oh my god. Oh fuck." Kian panted.  
"-Alright?"  
"-Yes. Yes. Oh. Yes."

After a few minutes, Mark was inside. He held completely still and waited for Kian. Kian laid completely still on his back, eyes screwed shut, panting.

"-Tell me when you're ready." Mark said, keeping Kian's erection in a firm grip. Not stroking, just keeping him balancing near the edge. Kian didn’t say a word, didn’t move a muscle. It took a while, but finally Kian whispered:

"-Ready..."  
"-Okay. Here we go..." Mark said.

Kian didn't know what hit him. It was like going on a roller coaster. He didn't know exactly what Mark had done to him but all of a sudden there was this enormous pressure building up from the inside. It felt similar to the feeling he'd get just before coming but this was way more intense and not coming only from Mark stroking his erection but coming from a different place somewhere deep inside. He felt Mark pushing him fast towards the top and after just a few moments he was over the edge, coming hard, screaming on his way down.

When he opened his eyes again, Mark was there, looking at him tenderly.

"-Wow... What was that... What did you do..." Kian breathed.  
"-Just a little trick..." Mark giggled, kissing his cheek.  
"-That was mad."  
"-Glad you liked it. You came all over the furniture though. Need to buy a new sofa now." Mark joked.  
"-Sorry about that. It was worth it. God damn it, Mark. That was amazing.”  
“-It was.”


	14. Chapter 14

"-When were you planning on leaving today?"  
"-Um... Well... After lunch...?"  
"-Okay..."  
"-Or after dinner, maybe...?"  
"-Yeah. Up to you."  
"-Yeah. Or maybe I'll just stay for the game, if you're gonna watch it?"  
"-Yeah, okay. That'll be nice."

They continued to pretend Kian was only visiting, even though they both knew he wasn’t actually going to go home. They still didn’t know how to approach the subject so they continued with their little charade.

Kian went over to the coffee table and picked up a CD that was on there. It was “Gravity”, their own latest CD with the black and white cover.

“- You've been listening to this recently?” he asked.  
“- Just listened to a song or two before the tour. Needed to refresh my memory on the lyrics.”

Kian studied the CD in silence for a few moments.

“- You know... Don't take this the wrong way, but...”  
“- What...”

Kian took a deep breath. 

“- This album cover is really class. I love it, you know that.”  
“- But...?”  
“- Well, I still don't think it was right to have you photoshopped in the pictures. You are like 4 inches taller than us and people know that. Suddenly you show up on an album cover being the same height as us. That's...strange.”  
“- Well, the original pictures looked ridiculous. The three of you looking so perfect, the same size and everything, and then me towering over you all. It just didn't look good.”  
“- But you ARE taller than us, Mark. There's nothing wrong with that!”  
“- Well anyways, it didn't make a good picture.”

Kian went silent for a moment. 

“- Your ex took those pictures, right?”  
“- You know he did, you were there.”

Kian went silent again. Looking like there was something he wanted to ask but didn't quite dare to. Which was very unusual for Kian who always spoke his mind. 

“- What?” Mark sighed, rolling his eyes.  
“- Well, you know...”  
“- No, I don't, Ki. So spit it out.”  
“- Well, was it like...his suggestion or...”  
“- No, it wasn’t.” 

Kian looked curiously at Mark and Mark sighed.

“- I looked way bigger than you guys on all of them photos and I was just...unhappy about it.”  
“- Mark...” Kian shook his head.  
“- He did it as a joke, okay. I made some comments about my size, as usual. He was tired of always hearing it. And I guess he was a bit...hurt...as well...for me criticizing his photos. The photos were great, you know. Just me ruining them.”  
“-Mark, stop it!”

Mark paused for a moment before continuing:

“- You know, he always wanted me to go to the gym with him and stuff... I just...didn't put enough effort in, I guess...”  
“-Mark, you need to stop beating yourself up.”

Mark went silent. He took a deep breath and continued:

“- He photoshopped me to be smaller than all of you, to like...prove a point or something. To make me realize how ridiculous I was wishing to be smaller. But when I saw it, I just thought, "well what the hell". If he can make me the same size as you guys for once, it would be fucking awesome.”  
“-But…”  
“- So he did. For once, I didn't have to stand behind you guys crouching down.”  
“- Mark...”  
“- No. I know what you're gonna say. But no, Ki. It was my decision.”  
“- You shouldn't have to feel like you're...”  
“- I shouldn't? Okay, great! But that's not how it works, you know. I've been told all my life that I'm too big. First in school and then in Westlife.”  
“- Mark. You're the most beautiful person I know.”   
“- Well that’s kind, but that doesn't change how I look upon myself.”

Kian sighed and moved closer to Mark and wrapped him in a hug.

“- Well, fortunately, nothing's gonna change how I look upon you either. And I think you're bloody fantastically handsome. I think every single little thing about you is gorgeous. You're so good looking it hurts.”  
“- Stop it, will ya...”  
“- I won't stop it. Those eye lashes are just ridiculous. I don't know how anyone can have eye lashes like that. They're just the most amazing thing I've ever seen.”  
“- Yeah, right...” Mark said in a dismissive tone.  
“- Your hair... How is it even possible to have such perfect hair? And so much of it. I don't get it.”

Kian traced his finger along Mark's hairline and stopped just above Mark's right eyebrow. 

“- I've always wondered what this is. This line you have here, where it looks like there's no hair growing.”  
“- Oh, the scar, you mean?”  
“- It's a scar?? Kian said, sounding more concerned than he intended to.”  
“- Yeah, I thought you knew?”  
“- No! Tell me!”  
“- Well...”

Mark shifted slightly and hesitated on purpose.

“- Tell me! C'mon!” Kian said impatiently.  
“- Well I really thought you knew. It's from that time when you and your gang pushed me into the shower.”  
“- What?!”  
“- Yeah, I hit my head, didn't you know? It was blood all over the fucking floor!”  
“- NO WAY!”  
“- Yeah. I had seven stitches, right there.”

Kian had turned all pale and was gaping.

“- But...but...REALLY??!”

Mark smiled a naughty smile and said:

“- No. Of course not. It's not a scar. It's just my hair growing in different directions.”  
“- Oh, fuck OFF! Kian shouted and pushed Mark playfully.”  
“- I had you there, didn't I.” Mark smirked.  
”- You bastard!” Kian giggled.


	15. Chapter 15

"-Mm..."

Mark woke up from the sounds of Kian moaning in his ear and grinding against him from behind. He wasn't a morning person and he was not thrilled with the thought of morning sex. Not today, anyway.

"-Too tired, Ki..." he said yawning and entwined his fingers with Kian's.  
"-It's okay. You're just so damn sexy when you're newly awake. When your hair is all messy you are completely warm and cuddly and smell so good."  
"-Thanks. I don't smell good, though. Really need a shower." Mark mumbled.  
"-You always smell good." Kian said, while reaching to trace his fingers along the inside of Mark's thigh and up...

"-That's nice..." Kian whispered when reaching Mark's groin.   
"-Well, you know, it's not actually me, it's just because it's morning..."  
"-I know. But why waste a good morning erection. Let me take care of it...?"  
"-Too tired..."  
"-You don't have to do anything. I'll do the work. Will you let me?"  
"-Mhm..."

Kian had been awake for some time now and was more than ready to go. He pulled his own boxers off and then he tugged Mark's boxers down as well. Then he pressed himself to Marks back and reached around to touch Mark's chest and stomach. It felt so good feeling the soft hair under his fingers. He caressed Mark's thighs and hip, and then he cupped his hand over his bum. Such a lovely nice firm bum. Kian shuddered a little by want, and started to thrust slowly against Mark. His erection going in between Mark's thighs. He reached around to start stroking Mark, setting a rhythm for them both. Mark remained on his side, still half asleep. Kian ground against him, nuzzling into the back of his neck.

"-You feel so good..." Kian whispered.

Mark reached for Kian's arm and stroked it tenderly a few times to show him he liked what was going on, even if he was too tired to actually participate.

Kian backed off a few inches and tugged at Mark's shoulder, wanting him to lay on his back. He reached up to kiss Mark as he rolled over, and then he changed position in one swift move. Now Mark was on his back and Kian was straddling his thighs. Kian reached for Mark's beautiful morning erection and started to stroke slowly. Mark opened his eyes slightly and Kian could hear him moan slightly:

"-Mmm..."  
"-You're so sexy, Mark..." 

Kian really liked this. Being on top, having the perfect view of this perfect man. Mark was beautiful when he was sleepy. Kian started to grind down and soon he put one knee between Mark's thighs to get more pressure where he needed it. He pushed down on Mark's muscular thigh and continued to stroke Mark's length. He leant forward to kiss Mark and to caress his chest.

After a few moments he could hear Mark's breathing speeding up. Kian increased the pressure on Mark's erection and started to stroke faster. Soon he could feel Mark arching up underneath him before coming with a moan.

"-Oh fuck, Mark. So sexy." Kian breathed while kissing him.  
"-You too..." Mark said, reaching for Kian's erection. 

Kian was close. He was panting in Mark's ear and riding Mark's thigh, thrusting. Mark raised his thigh a bit, keeping his foot in the mattress, increasing the pressure on Kian's balls. Kian rode his thigh and Mark stroked him over the edge. Kian came with a cry, collapsing on top of Mark.

"-Amazing..." he panted.  
"-Indeed. Can we go back to sleep now?" Mark said with a cheeky tone.  
"-You sleep a bit more. I'm gonna go make breakfast for us." 

Kian kissed him and went to the shower.


	16. Chapter 16

“- I don't know how you do it, you know.” Mark said.  
“- It comes natural to me, no big deal.”

They had driven to the beach and were walking along the water. Kian had taken Mark’s hand, it had felt completely natural to do so. They had been talking about lots of random stuff and Kian had steered the conversation towards subjects that he thought Mark needed to talk about. Subject such as self-confidence, standing up to yourself and now – telling people off.

“- Yeah. I would never have the guts to tell someone off like you do.”  
“- It's no big deal. If someone annoys me or if am unhappy about something, I speak up. What else would I do, like?”  
“- I'm way too worried about what people will think of me. I don’t want people to think I’m arrogant or something.”  
“- Yeah. But what do you gain from that, really? People treating you like shit. Anyway, people already know I am an arrogant little shit, I don't have to worry about that.”

Mark laughed.

“- Well, at least you're my arrogant little shit.”

Kian grinned at Mark and tightened his grip on his hand.

They went home and made dinner and then it was movie time as usual. Kian settled into Mark's embrace in the sofa. He leant into Mark and started to caress his chest up and down, making little circles underneath Mark's t-shirt.

“-You realize we haven’t seen one single movie of all the movies we’ve started on the last few days…?” Mark said.  
“-I know. We’ve been busy with more important stuff.” Kian said, beginning to caress Marks sides as well.

Soon, that wasn't enough for him. He began to caress Mark's thigh and then he started to kiss him tenderly. Mark returned the kisses, keeping a hand on the back of Kian's neck. The other hand stroking Kian's back. Kian took off his t-shirt, revealing his muscular shoulders and firm chest muscles. Kian cupped his hand around Mark's groin, and Mark gasped for air in between kisses and reached to touch Kian's fantastic torso. Soon they were both panting, kissing passionately.

"-I love you Marky."  
"-I love you too, Ki."  
“-I want you…” Kian breathed. “-Come…”

Kian was on his feet, dragging Mark up. He tugged at Marks clothes, undressing him as he went along, heading for the bedroom. Undressing himself as well, stumbling. Kian tugged at Mark's hair and ground against him. Kisses were passionate and almost violent.

Mark was bending down to kiss Kian, not knowing which part of Kian’s body to touch next. Wanting to touch everything at once, explore every little bit of this gorgeous man. Large hands skating all over his body, making little stops to feel firm muscles and smooth skin. 

"-Oh, Mark..." Kian shuddered, while pushing Mark down on the bed and climbing on top.

They were completely naked by now. Kian wanted to enjoy the scenery but Mark became a bit self-conscious and dragged Kian close to kiss him and to block the view for a moment. Kian thought it was adorable. Mark’s body was perfect and he had absolutely nothing to be self-conscious about. Mark was a powerfully built man. He was tall and had a quite large frame with beautiful broad shoulders and a solid chest. The chest hair that continued down his stomach was one of Kian’s favorite features and Kian was now tracing his fingers down Mark’s stomach. The hair was soft under his fingers and Mark’s skin was warm. When he reached Mark’s strong thighs, he had to pause for a moment to just enjoy this fantastic body.

“-So beautiful, Mark.” he breathed, caressing his thighs. “-You’re perfect. Just perfect. My god.”

For some reason, Mark was actually able to believe him. He knew Kian wouldn’t lie about something like that just to make him feel good. He felt appreciated in a way he didn’t think he ever had before, and that made him able to relax. With this newly acquired confidence, he rolled them both over to get on top. Feeling Kian warm and panting under him was lovely. He kissed Kian’s shoulder and continued up his neck, licking and kissing. Kian’s hand was carding through his hair, the other settled on his back. Mark was on his elbows to keep some of his bodyweight off Kian, but Kian wanted him closer. He arched up into Mark and pulled him down.

When Mark started to grind down slowly, Kian had to close his eyes. This was so god damn sexy. This handsome perfect man lying on top of him, smelling so good and making the sexiest little noises. Kian needed more. Needed Mark. He managed to put his legs around Marks waist and his arms around his neck, squeezing and feeling almost possessive. Feeling like he could do absolutely anything to stay this close to Mark.

"-Please..." Kian breathed. “-Want you…”

Kian took Marks hand and guided it. Mark kissed him through it, while pushing the first finger inside. 

"-Oh god..." Kian said, holding onto Mark’s neck. Marks forehead to his. Breathing together.

Mark didn’t say anything at all, he just backed up an inch or two to be able to look Kian in the eyes. Kian saw the unspoken question and answered it:

“-Yes…”

Mark continued and Kian started to arch up, moaning. He had to grab his own erection in a firm grip and hold still. Mark continued to kiss him slowly. Didn't want to rush things. But Kian was already begging for more again.

"-Please..." he panted, his chest completely covered in sweat.

Mark pushed in slowly. Three fingers now. Kian closed his eyes and kept completely still. 

"-So close...." he breathed.  
"-Keep still, babe..." Mark whispered in his ear.  
"-Trying..."  
"-It will settle, just give it a minute..." Mark mumbled, sucking on Kian's earlobe, making Kian shudder. It took a while, but after a few minutes Kian was ready.

"-Want you, Mark."  
"-You sure?"  
"-Yes. Yes. Want you. Want to feel you. Please."

Mark got a condom out and Kian helped him to roll it onto his large erection. Kian had to swallow when thinking it would soon be inside him.

"-Okay...?" Mark asked again, just to make sure.  
"-Need you inside me." Kian panted.

Mark placed himself between Kian’s legs and Kian shivered with anticipation. When Mark started to push in, Kian didn’t know what to do with himself. Mark went really slow, keeping eye contact with Kian all the way to make sure he was alright. 

“-Tell me if it hurts.”

Kian stared into Mark's dark blue loving eyes. It didn’t hurt as such, it was more like an immense pressure. Kian had fantasized about this particular moment for ages. But he was still blown away by the sensation. Mark's erection was not small, and when it pushed further and further, filling Kian bit by bit, Kian realized this was what he had been waiting for. This feeling of being filled. By Mark. God, it was beautiful, amazing, fantastic. He almost wanted to cry when looking into Mark’s considerate loving eyes. 

Mark was all the way in now and Kian had to close his eyes. Feeling so full. Mark kept still, waiting for Kian to adjust. Kian tried to absorb every little sensation, every little impression. He could hear himself moaning unintentionally.

When he opened his eyes, Mark was there waiting for him. He got a tender smile and a kiss.

"-You okay there..?"  
"-Yes. God, Mark..."  
"-You’re doing great, babe.”  
"-Feels amazing..."

They kept completely still, just looking into each other’s eyes for what could have been an eternity. Kian wanted to stay like this forever, this was so good. 

When Kian started to arch up and push back a little, Mark got the hint. He started out slowly. Very slowly. Moving his hips just slightly, trying to hit the right angle. He wanted this to be as good as possible for Kian.

Kian soon started to twist underneath him, grabbing the sheets, panting hard and moaning:

"-Oh my god."  
"-Love you..." Mark said.  
"-Oh god... Love you too... Oh, FUCK!!"  
"-You okay...?"  
"-Yes. Yes. Oh god."  
"-You're doing great, love."  
"-Mark! For god’s sake!"

Mark slid a hand down to the back of Kian’s knee, lifting it a little. Kian could feel himself opening up and decided to try and hitch his other knee a bit as well. Oh my fucking god. Mark slid in even deeper and Kian could hear him against his neck:

“-Oh, Ki…”

Mark reached between them to stroke Kian's throbbing and leaking erection. Kian didn't know what to do with himself. This was beyond everything he'd ever experienced. This was madness. The intense pressure from inside, the feeling of Mark's large erection filling him completely, Mark's large hand firmly on his cock. He lost control. He heard himself making the weirdest sounds, it sounded like an animal howling.

Mark kept his head down now, kissing Kian's neck, moaning in his ear. 

"-Love you, babe."

Suddenly, Mark changed position slightly and as the angle changed, Kian was pushed over the edge without warning and lost all control over himself. He exploded in an orgasm that was out of this world, screaming loudly as he came. Mark held him through it, before pushing deep one last time, letting himself come as well.  
Lying side by side completely naked on the bed, covered in sweat and panting hard, they started to giggle. The giggle transformed into a liberating laughter and soon they were both laughing out loud, seemingly for no reason.


	17. Epilogue

"-Going home today, Ki?"  
"-I think I am, actually."  
"-Mind if I come with you?"  
“-I insist on you coming with me.”  
"-Oh, good. Because it's my turn to spoil you, you know."  
"-Sounds nice... What did you have in mind...?"  
"-Well... I could cook for you, if you want?"  
"-Yes, please. I love your cooking."  
"-I can follow you to the beach when you go surfing."  
"-The beach? Really?"  
"-Well, just to watch you. I'm not taking my clothes off or anything."  
"-Oh." Kian smiled. "-Fantastic. And after that?"  
"-Well, I guess some fantastic sex wouldn't hurt?"  
"-I think we should start with that actually. Before we do the other stuff. C'mon, let's go."


End file.
